A nervous system interrupted

How many times have you sat down to take a minute for yourself and the doorbell rings, a message pings in, or ‘Mummmmmy’ is called from the next room? In the speed of which life runs today, sitting down to do nothing is pretty fucking hard.

The advice to heal is slow down…rest…take a breath.

This is lovely, and I’m a massive advocate for it. But you know what…it’s hard. You can sit down and take a breath, but your mind is still going a million miles per hour thinking of what to cook for dinner, to remember to lay out the right school attire for the next day, and respond to that THAT email, all while you hear the humming in the background, of that niggle, that worry. Because there is ALWAYS something to worry about.

I find sometimes you can feel unsettled, on edge, or in a state of worry, and just not feel quite able to name it.

This is because you need more than a minute, or five, or ten, just to filter through the noise to realise what’s REALLY sitting with you. And might I add, those minutes need to be in a safe space, preferably alone, and in a peaceful environment. And time like that…is at a premium.

I’m saying this as a Mum of two (who are at school), and I have a flexible (not yet paid) job, so I get more of these moments than many. And yet interruptions still come in thick and fast. So others who have small children around them all the time, or are under lock and key in the demands of their job? Well, this sort of thinking space is at an absolute scarcity.

Filtering through the noise

In order to process, we need first to be able to name the feeling that’s fizzing under the surface. The feeling that’s getting crammed down amongst the washing loads, the ‘what am I cooking for dinner’ spiral, the phone pinging next to your side, the calls about something that could wait, the delivery man ringing the doorbell with the parcel YOU ordered…but is just really bloody inconvenient to be delivered right now.

Getting a minute to be able to take a full breath in and a long exhale out feels like a luxury in our fast paced world. But it is so very important. It’s so important to acknowledge that tension, the breath that’s getting stuck half in, half out, and the frown upon your brow. Because there’s a reason for it. Your nervous system is asking for some attention. It’s holding something. Whether it’s big or small, old or recent, it is asking to be acknowledged.

So if you feel stuck with that unexplained feeling you cannot name. Find those minutes to pause. Tell everyone you need a minute, or if needs be, wait for the stillness at night. Put your phone down. Ignore the door. Don’t let your nervous system make it an emergency. If you allow a little space, ask yourself what’s sitting with you, it’ll filter to the surface soon enough. Tears might flow. But let the release come. Let it out. Let the tension go.

What sit’s with me and what sit’s with you?

What was sitting with me on this day, when I asked myself what am I holding in?

I realised I was full of worry about my daughter, who is going through a phase of separation anxiety. She is 4.5 and distraught when I drop her to school. I do everything I can think of, speaking calmly, ask her if there is something she doesn’t like about school, promise her some 1:1 time at the weekend, manifest a good day for her…but to no avail. I am still wracked with the guilt of having her wrenched from my arms as she screams in the door of her classroom. The kind of guilt that weighs heavy on my chest all day, until I have her in my arms again.

I vocalised all of this to a friend and my husband already the week I wrote this, but sometimes it can still sit, it can still bubble. I cried a few more tears today when I realised the heaviness I was holding in. The heaviness that was nearly trapped from the weight of all the other daily interruptions.

The sadness was still there afterwards, but it felt lighter, it had been acknowledged. It had permission to let go a little more.

Now ask yourself what is sitting with you. Breathe it through. Exhale out the sadness, anger, frustration. Whatever it may be.

Don’t allow your nervous system to become so interrupted, that it never let’s go. X