I’ve recently made the decision to try EMDR Therapy. It took me a while to get to this decision after it being suggested to me on a number of occasions. So to help others who may be feeling unsure, sceptical or scared (like I was), I’ve decided to share my experience with EMDR Therapy journey week by week. I’ll be nothing but honest about my experience.
So let’s dive in to what the hell EMDR Therapy even is and my take aways from week one.
What is EDMR Therapy?
For those that don’t know or know a little about EMDR but not the full shebang, here’s the long and short of it. EMDR stands for ‘Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing’. It’s a sort of hypnotherapy, in which you recall traumatic experiences in your life to re-process them in a different light, reducing the hold it has over you. It’s commonly used for PTSD or cPTSD.
Choosing an EMDR training therapist
Like any therapist you need to choose someone who you feel comfortable with and trust. I am incredibly lucky in that my reflexologist of nine years has recently trained in it. This means we have a strong foundation to begin with, but this is very unlikely to be the case for many. Most of you will be relying on a google search. So find a friendly warm face from that list with the right credentials and don’t shy away from asking for an initial call to test the waters and build a rapport.
How is EMDR structured?
I would imagine most therapists have their own way of working, but for reference, my EMDR course is four sessions of 90 minutes. The first session is The discovery session, and in each session you go deeper into the hypnosis.
What’s the end goal?
The aim of EMDR is to really filter through the secondary elements that you may feel are affecting you to get to the primary element. The root cause of your current mental & physical state. The root cause might be so buried, you continually blame other traumatic experiences, other ‘offenders’ and miss the actual event or person that needs to be addressed. This primary element is mostly what you are aiming to revisit and overcome.
What to expect from Session 1?
Session one is about discovering what you want to get out of your EMDR Therapy. All therapists will need to understand what brought you to them. So session one is largely a Q&A. Expect questions like;
- What has brought you to this session / Why are you here / What sits with you
- How do you feel physically right now and in your day-to-day life
- When do you feel most anxious
- When do you feel most relaxed / Who are you with / What are you doing to feel this way
- What feels like safety to you
- How would you describe your inner self
- How do you want to feel after EMDR Therapy
Following these questions my therapist did some light hypnosis to put me into a state of relaxation. We did not do any EMDR. The aim was just to relax. She guided me into relaxing every part of my body, focusing more on the ‘problem’ areas. Because the reality is, for someone with cPTSD relaxing does not come naturally, it takes a LOT of coaxing. The body fights it from a place of fear and uncertainty. It holds itself in a constant state of tension, apprehension and in suspension. This first session is about getting the nervous system into a stable space ready for what’s to come.
What did session one uncover for me?
I found answering questions about myself quite difficult. Trauma and motherhood has that effect on you. Who am I and what do I want? Some questions I answered with my gut instinct or the first thing that came to my head, other answers took longer to surface.
One particular scenario I knew sat with me heavily made me feel cold, shivery and vulnerable as I spoke. I think that’s a clear sign you are releasing something .
I spoke with complete honesty, I mentioned one thing I may have only told one person or maybe nobody before. It needed to be said.
Uncomfortable truths came up for me. There are people in your life who you don’t want to look at in a negative light, that you love dearly, that you don’t want to blame. But the stark honest truth is that they have affected you in ways that you don’t want to admit. Because you love them. And as I am learning, you can still love someone, but wish events or outcomes could have been different.
I came home from the session and sat with some gentle music and a cup of tea, this uncomfortable truth rose up again as I processed the session. I cried a few tears and I’m intrigued at how this will play out in sessions to come.
What do I ultimately want from EMDR Therapy?
I want to come home to safety. I want to come home to myself. I want to heal the little girl that lost her Dad at 3.5. I want to heal the young girl that needed safety in her own home. I want to heal the teenager that lost her voice on a dark walk home.
I want to be unconditionally me. I want to feel lighter. For myself, but also for my children. They deserve to have a Mum that’s whole. That’s free. That can love without always expecting loss.
I want to fulfil my full potential with my business. I have big dreams and I want to get there. I want to do it loud and proud. I want to use my voice. I want to encourage and empower women like me to find theirs.
My final comments
- I spent the relaxation part of this first session a little distracted, wondering if I am ‘doing it right’, am I relaxing enough, should I be in a deeper ‘trance’. I was still very aware of where I was and what was going on. I cleared this up with my therapist at the end of the session and she said this is normal and in each session we will go a level deeper.
- My therapist told me to expect things to come up between each session, but that I am unlikely to recall anything frightening that I am not prepared for. My therapist has kindly given me an ‘open message policy’ in which I can send her updates for her to capture and review with me next time.
- I think in any type of therapy it is important to be completely honest. This is how you reach the primary element, to break down that root cause, until it doesn’t affect you in the same way.
- EMDR is not designed to get you to dwell on the past, to dwell on the trauma that has hurt you. It is designed to revisit it, to desensitize your soul to it, in order for you to move forward lighter in life. To move forward with the right intention. This is what I am excited for. I am hopeful for a more carefree existence. To feel safe enough to let go. Permanently.
If you’ve made if this far, I hope, if you haven’t tried EMDR Therapy, that this has helped uncover some of the mystery for you. And if you have tried EMDR I’d love to know about your experience. Let’s help one another to grow 🫶 X